


ALIEN CARE 101

by MusicTules



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alien/Human Relationships, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Bullying, Humor, M/M, Multi, Texting, Trans Character, alien prince!chan, chatfic, cheerleader!seungkwan, i also don't know how a ouija board works so uh don't come for me, jisoo is president of his anime club, jock!jihoon, nerd!seungcheol, only person in said club lol, punk!jun, skater!soonyoung, smut??, the boys are mean to each other but they still care alot for each other, this is crack more or less, this story deadass has nothing to do with demons lolol, trigger warning just in case
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-03-29 09:26:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13924218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicTules/pseuds/MusicTules
Summary: "local dumbass teens decide to fuck around with a ouija board because their idiot friend was bored."





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> imma leave this here :)

**JERKOFF AND JERKIN**

 

**leekobe:** hey

**leekobe:** y'all wanna come over and fuck around with a ouija board

**wondont:** did I read that right 

**july:** I dunno ask

**wondont:** i literally just did

**mingwhy:** yeah I'm down

**gyu:** bro what

**cheol:** in 3

**cheol:** 2

**cheol:** 1

**shua:** EXCUSE ME WHAT

**cheol:** there it is 

**leekobe:** do y'all wanna come over 

**leekobe:** and fuck around with a ouija board 

**cheol:** wouldn't it be an ouija??

**shua:** SHUT UP YOU DRIED PIECE OF LETTUCE

**cheol:** but I don't like lettuce :(

**shua:** Lee Jihoon are you actually fucking stupid

**leekobe:** that's what my dad tells me sometimes lol

**handsoap:** when everyone's having a good time but he say some morbid shit 

**shua:** I can't even continue saying what I was gonna say 

**shua:** no I'm not coming over 

**hannie:** don't be a lil scaredy cat 

**shua:** I will rip your weave right outta your head

**hannie:** fam not the weave i just got my shit laid 

**wondont:** demons don't even exist so why the fuck not

**gyu:** ???

**gyu:** you don't believe in demons??

**wondont:** no they're like fairy tales

**shua:** so paranormal activity is a fairy tale

**wondont:** it's a movie 

**laterold:** based on real events 

**wondont:** they lied to get more views or some shit

**wondont:** it was probably just two kids fucking around with each other 

**shua:** u dumb as shit 

**shua:** literally a whole fucking headass

**shua:** JuST TWo KiDS fUckiNG AroUND-shut the fuck up

**wondont:** what you mad about 

**shua:** everything 

**mingwhy:** Wonwoo you really don't think there's more to Earth than just us?? Like you don't believe in the supernatural? Like at all??

**wondont:** no I don't 

**shua:** u stupid 

**shua:** listen and listen real good I refuse to take place in this demon assetry

**shua:** y'all on your own

**wondont:** it's literally just all smoke and mirrors calm tf down

**shua:** I hope y'all actually do conjure up the demon and it eat your ass then you'll learn a lesson 

**dkk:** why did I open the group chat to see us talking about ouija boards and demons????

**leekobe:** guys cmoooonn I'm bored 

**shua:** wow I can see the headlines now

**shua:** local dumbass teens fuck around with a ouija board because their friend was bored

**cheol:** why would they make headlines

**shua:** they're gonna have too when they find our bodies in a ditch without our dicks attached 

**kwannie:** why our dicks gotta be missing 

**laterold:** vernon bdon't got worry bout that

**handsoap:** why not???

**wondont:** because you're a pussy 

**handsoap:** :(

**leekobe:** so y'all gonna come over or nah?

**cheol:** I have to ask my mom first 

**shua:** I am his mom and he not going 

**leekobe:** Jisoo shut up

**shua:** first of all it's Joshua 

**shua:** second of all you shut up 

**leekobe:** no you shut up 

**shua:** no YOU SHUT UP

**cheol:** I can go but my mom said if I get possessed she's gonna exorcise the fuck out of my ass with do no evil 

**kwannie:** what is do no evil??

**cheol:** her belt 

**laterold:** LOL

**laterold:** I think it'll be fun guys 

**laterold:** we should do it 

**shua:** of course you say that 

**shua:** you just want a piece of Jihoon's ass 

**laterold:** I actually fucking hate you 

**hannie:** y'all remember when shua used to be nice 

**shua:** ah my more innocent days 

**shua:** when Jihoon's egghead friends didn't shove me in lockers 

**wondont:** they've deadass been shoving you in lockers since like middle school 

**shua:** yeah u right 

**gyu:** do you want me to fuck them up for you 

**mingwhy:** he means do you want him to get Jun to fuck them up for you 

**shua:** would Jun even?

**july:** lmfao no 

**july:** you'll never get anywhere in life if you don't stand up for yourself

**shua:** and get my ass beat?? No thanks I prefer the lockers

**hannie:** be smart and say you'll give him Seungkwan's nudes so he'll leave you alone 

**gyu:** luke is the actual epitome of white cisgender heterosexuality

**gyu:** he not gonna want them 

**leekobe:** no he's in the closet 

**leekobe:** don't tell anyone I told you tho 

**laterold:** how do you know this 

**leekobe:** he came out to some of us on the team 

**leekobe:** honestly half the team is in the closet cause they think they ass gonna get beat but it's 2018 who cares if you're gay etc.

**kwannie:** if you give that white trash my nudes I'll actually shove you in the locker myself

**wondont:** why do they even have your nudes

**july:** you jealous or nah fam 

**wondont:** why would I be jealous

**mingwhy:** he jelly

**wondont:** why would I be jealous??

**dkk:** did any of you do the geometry hw??

**leekobe:** if you come over I'll give you the hw

**dkk:** k

**shua:** oh my god 

**wondont:** y'all not even in the same class 

**handsoap:** are you guys sure we should even mess around with this stuff?

**handsoap:** like it sounds pretty dangerous

**hannie:** this may come out a bit racist but if the white kid says not to go through with some demonic shit we probably shouldn't go through with it 

**july:** how is that racist??

**gyu:** stop

**gyu:**  don't tell us 

**leekobe:** hansol says everything is dangerous

**leekobe:** even cheol is coming over and he never comes over 

**kwannie:** that's because you always try pulling some dumb shit with him 

**leekobe:** deadass have no idea what you're talking about 

**mingwhy:** dude last time you threw party you got cheol to eat gummy bears off of three naked girls 

**cheol:** I didn't like that 

**july:** why did you do it then 

**cheol:** Jihoon said he'd give me back my glasses and stop taking my lunch money 

**dkk:** Jihoon why are you taking his lunch money 

**leekobe:** because it's funny??

**hannie:** cheol you're a whole three feet taller than him 

**hannie:** kick the little shit 

**cheol:** I don't like hurting people :(

**handsoap:** why am I still the pussy when Cheol is here?

**wondont:** because we actually like cheol

**shua:** this why cheol never gonna get with you Jihoon you play too damn much 

**cheol:** ???

**laterold:** ???

**leekobe:** ???

**mingwhy:** doesn't cheol have a boyfriend??

**shua:** wtf who

**cheol:** so when are we meeting up at Jihoon's??

**shua:** CHEOLLLL WHAT THE FUCK WHO

**cheol:** I'll be there in like ten minutes

**shua:** BRUHHHHH

**leekobe:** ay we bout to get lit

**shua:** nah you on your own im not going 

**gyu:** okay becky

**shua:** I'm being deadass

**shua:** I am not going 

**shua:** y'all have fun fucking around with the occult 

**shua:** when a demon possess yo ass then you'll know 

**shua:** and when y'all die and I'm giving the eulogy imma say “I told these raggedy Ann hoes not to but they didn't listen to me and now they dead. Rest in pieces you absolute screwups” and then imma piss all over your graves 

**shua:** cause that's what you deserve

**kwannie:** when you're coming over bring some of your mom's brownies

**shua:** I AM NOT GOING


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey its yer girl. so uh descriptive writing is not my thing at allllll but i gave it a shot. also vernon is a cry baby just because.

If Joshua ever builds a time machine he’s going to go back in time and stop himself from ever befriending the likes of Jihoon and the other shit heads he’s come to know over the years. He swears everything went downhill in kindergarten when Seungcheol offered him a chocolate chip cookie. Joshua never got to eat said cookie because Jeonghan was there in a split second shoving his face in the dirt and eating the rest of the gooey goodness. Seungcheol didn’t even do shit. He just stood there watching the chaos unfold. Joshua honest to god hates Jeonghan. If he does manage to build that time machine he’s throwing Jeonghan off a building. Time laws be damned.

Joshua’s friend groups come from all over their school’s social hierarchy. Choi Seungcheol is a nerd with glasses and everything and he practically let's soccer/basketball captain Jihoon walk all over him. Joshua doesn’t know why but at least Jihoon keeps the bullies away from Seungcheol. Then there’s skater boy Soonyoung and his totally obvious crush on Jihoon. The latter knows about but never comments on it. Jeonghan, as you know, Joshua can’t stand, but he’s their school’s golden boy. Handsome and smart. Doesn’t help that his ego is already inflated. Mingyu fits in with the popular crowd right there next to Seokmin and Seungkwan. Seungkwan’s a cheerleader and everyone thought he’d get with Jihoon, but Seungkwan can’t stand the older. Totally understandable. Jihoon’s an asshole. Jun would like to think he’s the most original kid in their school, but there’s like ten other kids that dress like him. Minghao and Joshua are just regular kids except Minghao doesn’t get shoved in the lockers. Wonwoo’s a fucking weirdo and Joshua actually wanted nothing to do with him, but Mingyu said that Wonwoo was his best friend and he couldn't let his best friend sit alone at lunch. Vernon is, well, Vernon. Nothing new.

Jihoon lives in one those rich white neighborhoods with the gated fence that’s more for decoration than actual protection. Joshua thinks it’s a perfect place for a demon to eat and devour them. He hopes Jihoon is joking about the entire Ouija board/demon conjuring and used it as an excuse to get the boys to come over. Joshua doubts that severely, but what would the world be if you couldn’t hope?

Jihoon doesn’t lock his front door so there’s no need for Joshua to knock. He opens the door, slips off his converse, and makes his way to the living room where all the other boys are. He sets the plate of brownies on the table. Seungkwan is quick to reach for them, but Mingyu is quicker (and has longer limbs).

“You really should lock your front door,” Joshua says finding a seat on the floor. The boys are already set up. Candles, board, and the sacrifices. The sacrifice being them because there’s no way they’re coming out of this mess in one piece. The board looks a bit funny to Joshua, but he’s no master in the art of all things occult so he doesn’t comment on it.

“I actually want to get robbed though,” Jihoon says, stealing a brownie from the plate. “I hope the fucking psycho kills me.”

“Well,” Jeonghan beams, “You won’t have to worry because we’ll probably be dead after this.”

Jun snorts, running a hand through his pastel locks. He’s got that stupid leather jacket on and Joshua doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jun without it. Next, to him, Vernon is biting his fingernails, eyes going wide because he truly doesn’t want a demon to be the death of him. He always thought he’d go out in a fit of glory or Sofia would strangle him in his sleep. Still better than a demon. Actually, thinking about it, Vernon is almost more inclined to let the demon kill him than his sister. Almost. Not exactly, but almost.

“Demons don’t exist.” The boys choose to ignore Wonwoo’s comment.

“Are we actually doing this?” Joshua scowls at the Ouija board, arms crossed over his chest.

Jihoon raises an eyebrow, motioning around the room. “Honey, do I look like I’m joking?”

“I want to throttle you,” Joshua hisses.

Jihoon licks his lip, smirking, “That sounds really hot, but I’d prefer if Seungcheol were throttling me.”

Seungcheol gives him an amused look. “You have no idea what throttle means, do you?”

“Not in the slightest.”

Minghao rolls his eyes.

“Alright fellas,” Seokmin grins, rubbing his hands together, “Let’s summon a demon.”

“I hope the demons hot.” Soonyoung muses, skipping over to turn off the lights. Jeonghan hi-fives him when he comes back, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Joshua is pissed with how calm the other boys are about the whole ordeal except for Vernon, but Vernon’s never calm and Wonwoo is only here to prove demons don’t exist. A load of utter bullshit by the way. If Joshua can get one thing out of this mess it better be proving Wonwoo wrong and wiping that know it all look off his face.

The room is shrouded in darkness other than the candles. Silence fills up the room and Joshua says a quick prayer. The boys all place their fingers on the metal cup, and Vernon asks the first question, fear and dread clearly on his face. “Uh anyone here?” The boys give him blank looks at the boring question. Minghao goes as far as to roll his eyes. The cup moves, a quick jerk over to  _ yes. _

Wonwoo is the only one not remotely freaked out. He gives Jihoon an unimpressed look, scoffing slightly. “Really?”

Jihoon gives him a glare. “You can’t be deadass right now.”

The cups jerks again, rapidly moving across the board spelling out  _ why don’t we play a game?  _ The candles are blown out and Minghao is pressing himself against Wonwoo’s side, gripping the older’s shirt. A scream fills the air and the lights turn on. “Jihoon?!” The boys turn to where the jock was sitting only to find he’s no longer there.

“Oh no no no.” Jeonghan backs up into the couch, eyes wide with fear. “He's gone?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “It's just Jihoon. He's probably just fucking around with us.”

Joshua shoves him. “Are you kidding me right now?” The windows slam open and close, a high pitched wail filling the air. On the table next to Jeonghan the lamp explodes, eliciting a scream from the older.

The lights flicker off again and Wonwoo is suddenly aware of a pair of deep red eyes closing in on them. “G-guys?”

“I told you so?!” Jisoo screeches, backing up into the couch next to Jeonghan. The other boys follow suit, trying to distance themselves from the demon. Hansol is a sobbing mess, his words jumbling up together. Jun has a firm grip on his hand, whispering to him that everything is going to be okay. Jun doesn’t believe it himself.

Seungcheol picks up a pillow and chucks at the incoming figure. A small shout leaves it and he frowns. The room is full of screaming and Vernon’s sobbing so he doesn’t think they caught it. Seungcheol turns the flash on his phone on, shining it on the figure.

The demon is pitiful at best.

“Is that paper mache?!” Wonwoo screeches. “What the hell Jihoon?!”

Jihoon laughs, removing the faux horns he made. He has on red eye contacts and flashes the boys a dorky smile. “You guys are pathetic. You really think I'm gonna summon a demon? In my home? Fuck outta here.”

“You're an actual piece of shit.” Jisoo hisses. “God, I hate you.”

Vernon is still crying, head buried in Jun’s chest. “I wanna go home.” Jun rubs small circles on his back, tossing Jihoon a glare of his own.

“I bet you’re wondering how I did all this?” Jihoon laughs again. He walks over to the Ouija board, picking up the cup to reveal a set of magnets. “Genius right? Plus the candles were easy to blow out while you guys were panicking. I just got up and walked away and then turned the lights on and then back off again.”

“Why?” Minghao sighs. “Just why?” Jihoon doesn’t answer opting to continue laughing. Jisoo picks up a pillow and throws it at him.

“Wait wait.” Jeonghan frowns. “How did you blow out of the lamp?”

Jihoon stops his laughing, wiping away a tear. “What are you talking about?”

Jeonghan motions to the lamp, that's now in pieces on the floor. 

“Yeah and the windows.” Seungcheol adds.

“What happened to the windows?”

“They opened and closed.” Wonwoo rolls his eyes. "Then this weird wailing happened."

Jihoon frowns. “That wasn't me.”

Seungkwan scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Real fucking funny.”

“Guys I'm being deadass. That wasn't-”

“Jihoon,” Seokmin whimpers, pointing a shaky finger behind him. “What the fuck is that behind you?”

“No.” Jihoon states.

Seokmin gives him a look of disbelief, “What?”

“No. No. Fuck no.” Jihoon is adamant. “I am not turning around.” There's something very wet and slimy touching the back of his neck and the other boys are huddling closer together. Vernon’s crying eventually dies down, but he doesn't bother to look up at whatever they’re talking about.

Jihoon turns around slowly, eyes wide at the creature he's starting at. It's got pitch black skin with flickering white dots decorating it's skin. It’s almost luminescent, a kind of ethereal glow dancing across its skin.  It's uncharacteristically tall with a wide mouth and razor-like teeth. The wet thing that was touching the back of his neck was it's tongue. If Jihoon wasn't scared shitless, he'd be pretty fucking salty that it licked him. 

Not knowing what else to do, he punches it right in its fucking face. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagine the creature looking like deemo from the game deemo but like a scarier version with a mouth. this story isn't primarily texting obvu and it might get pretty smutty but like i dunno?? but hey thanks for reading!! it means alot :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has been sitting in my docs for like who knows how long. i was gonna upload it seriously but then we lost wifi for a week. it was horrible to say the least but hey! here's an update! i read the comments but don't reply to alot of them cause i'm very awkward?? lolol

The second Jihoon punches the creatures, Soonyoung shoots up a quick prayer because there is no way in hell Jihoon is coming out of this mess in one piece. He’ll miss Jihoon and his kind of cute smile, but honestly? Jihoon had this coming. Karma’s a bitch and life just plain sucks. Homeboy with the creepy ass arms is probably going to turn around and slaughter the rest of them anyways.

Surprisingly the creature doesn’t reduce Jihoon to a bloody mess on the floor. It looks at Jihoon in what Soonyoung guesses to be hurt and slight fear in wide eyes, and brings one of it’s limbs to his face. “cén fáth go raibh tú a bhuail mé?” Jihoon pretends not to hear its sniffling as he makes a mad dash for the boys on the couch. He jumps over it and peeks up from behind the white cushions.

Soonyoung, on the other hand, is more concerned with the crying demon-is it even a demon? He frowns, “What did it say?”

“Who cares!” Vernon hisses, thrashing against Mingyu, who has a firm hold on him. “Let’s haul ass!” Mingyu doesn’t relent only tightening his hold. Vernon lets out a scream, slumping against the older. “Bro, I can’t die here. I have to delete my search history.”

Despite the situation, Seungkwan laughs.

Soonyoung expects nothing less from his crackhead friends. He stands up, taking careful steps towards the creature huddles on the floor. He ignores Jisoo’s scream of what _the hell are you doing?_ because he really doesn’t know. “Um hi?”

The creature recoils when Soonyoung reaches a handout, hugging itself closer, and scooting away from the blonde.

Soonyoung coos softly, “Hey, hey. Jihoon’s a bit of bully-”

“Fuck you!”

“But he was just scared ya know? We, humans, do pretty dumb shit when we’re scared but you don’t have to scared of us. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He sticks out his pinky, eyes twinkling. “I promise.”

Soonyoung isn’t sure if the creature can understand him, but that doesn’t it from sniffing at his pinky and linking its own with his. Soonyoung flashes it a grin that slowly leaves when he’s met face to face with a boy. The boy blinks a couple times, mimicking Soonyoung’s earlier grin. His hair is a soft brown, styled so his bangs fall lazily over his forehead. “an bhfuilim ceart go leor?”

“Sorry.” Soonyoung flushes. He didn’t mean to stare. “I can’t understand you.”

The boy frowns, staring at their intertwined pinkies. Soonyoung instantly let’s go, opening his mouth to say sorry. The newcomer grips him by his sweater, tugging him closer, and pressing their lips together. Soonyoung can hear Joshua screaming but he decides to ignore it. Kissing the boy is weird. Nice, but _weird._ He has tongue pressed up against Soonyoung’s almost like he’s getting a feel for it, and he tastes likes pure sugar. Soonyoung hasn’t kissed a lot of people (read: Soonyoung hasn’t kissed anyone) but he doesn’t think they're supposed to taste like sugar. Soonyoung doesn’t mind. He actually kind of likes it.

His han’s settle on the boy’s waist, tugging him closer and Soonyoung is half aware that the boy doesn’t have any clothes on as evident by the soft skin he’s feeling under his hand. The boy’s hands are a tangled mess in Soonyoung’s hair, a soft moan leaving his mouth. Soonyoung’s grip only tightens at the sound. The boy is practically straddling his lap, but Soonyoung tugs him closer still.

The other boys watch from their spots on the couch with varying levels of interest. Joshua has his mouth open, motioning as Soonyoung, and almost screaming.

Seungcheol breaks the silence with a click of his tongue and says, “They’re really going at it, huh?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, stating with disbelief and slight approval, “He’s making out with a demon.”

“It’s not a demon.” Wonwoo scoffs. “There’s no demon that looks like that.”

Minghao whips around and Wonwoo can almost hear a cracking sound. The brunette grips Wonwoo’s shoulders earning a small yelp, “There was literally a fucking demon that was an owl,” His nails dig into Wonwoo’s shoulder, “That went around telling people shit about the stars! What the fuck do you know ‘bout-”

“How do you even know that?” Jun asks, most likely saving Wonwoo from possible death.

Joshua finally snaps, making a lunge for the boys, “Why are you so calm?!” The boys quickly scatter except for Vernon who quietly accepts his fate. Joshua shoves a pillow in his face, screaming. “I hate you fucking screw-ups!”

Soonyoung has long since stopped kissing the boy, choosing to ignore the racket his friends are making. Their foreheads are pressed together, and the boy has their fingers looped together.

“Can you understand me now?” The boy murmurs. He has a slight accent but Soonyoung can’t guess what kind of accent.

Soonyoung nods, “Yeah.”

“I’m Channix Yoth III,” The boy grins. “My friend’s call me Chan.”

“I’m Soonyoung Kwon the uh first,” Chan lets out a soft laugh, and Soonyoung feels his cheeks heating up. “But my friend’s call me Soonyoung.”

“Soonyoung.” Chan says his name slowly. Softly. Soonyoung feels giddy at the sound of it, a dorky grin crossing his face. “You’re a pretty good kisser, Soonyoung.”

“Likewise.”

Chan leans over, tongue swiping across Soonyoung’s bottom lip, “Can I kiss you again?”

“Uh yeah,” Soonyoung rests his hand on the small of Chan’s back, “Fuck yeah.”

Wonwoo clears his throat, loud and obnoxious until he’s sure he’s caught the duo’s attention, “Yeah hi.” He rolls his eyes, “We’re still here.”

“Dunno why though.” Vernon’s voice is muffled from the pillow. Joshua has a blank look in eyes, arms crossed over his chest. He’s sitting on Hansol and makes no move to get off him.

Soonyoung raises an eyebrow but doesn’t bother to ask what they were doing. He doesn’t care to know. He removes his sweater and slips it over Chan’s naked figure. Chan hums in delight, nodding his thanks. His happy look quickly falls at the sight of Jihoon. “YOU!”

Jihoon points to himself and looks around. “Me?”

“You hit me!”

“I hit-” Jihoon scowling, point an accusing finger back at Chan, “You tried to eat me!”

Chan gasps, “I did no such a thing! I simply tried saying hello.”

“Who the fuck licks the back as someone’s neck as a greeting?”

“I do!” Chan huffs, scrambling up and out of Soonyoung’s lap. “So?” He crosses his arms, giving Jihoon a glare. “What do you want?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, returning the look with equal intensity, “What?”

“What do you mean what? You called me.”

“Um no I didn't.” Jihoon shakes his head. “We tried to call a demon.”

Seokmin speaks up, relief flooding his system. “You're not a demon?” He doesn’t really believe in the occult, but they basically did just summon something from who knows where. He can’t help but notice how Wonwoo has his fingers crossed.

Chan makes a face. “What is that?”

“I told you!” Wonwoo screams, throwing his hands up. “I fucking told you.”

Minghao angrily scrubs his face in frustration. Wonwoo’s cheering dies down when he notices this and he takes a seat away from the angry Chinese teen.

Jeonghan picks up the Ouija board and hands it over to Chan. “We used this.”

“This is a communicator.” Chan frowns. “See my name's right here.” He points to some scribbling on the corner of the board. “Terribly written but it's mine nonetheless.”

All eyes turn to Jihoon who shrugs. “It's just something I saw on the internet.”

“You made an ouija board?” Seungcheol shouldn’t be this surprised, but sometimes Jihoon does that shit that surprises him.

“I'm not bringing an actual Ouija board into my home.” Jihoon scoffs. “My stepdad may be white but I sure as hell am not.”

“You guys are gonna crack a white joke in front of the wrong person and I can't wait for that day,” Vernon mumbles from under his pillow.

Seungkwan makes a face. “Are we all ignoring the fact that Cheol said ‘an ouija’? It doesn’t-it doesn’t even flow right.”

Seungcheol shrugs.

“So then what are you?” Soonyoung asks. “Or like where are you from?"

“I'm from Utopian Major 46.” Chan answers, “It's a kingdom in the Andromeda Galaxy.”

The boys fall silent, registering what Chan said.  Joshua instantly perks up, his sour mood gone, eyes wide, and a stupid smile on his face. “You're an alien?”

Chan grunts at the comment. “I prefer the word traveler.”

“Holy shit.” Joshua stares in awe at Chan, reaching over to poke his face. “Guys,” Joshua whispers, “We're talking to an alien.”

“Traveler,” Chan says.

Joshua ignores him, small squeals leaving his mouth. He’s always had this thing for space and the stars. He always believed there was more to the universe than just Earth and its humans. Chan’s living, breathing proof of that. Jeonghan stares at Jisoo with a ghost of a smile. The younger is actually kind of cute when he isn’t yelling at everyone. Kind of.

“What makes you think he's an actual alien?” Wonwoo kills the moment as usual.

“Wonwoo,” Seungkwan scoffs, “You can't be deadass right now.”

“Hey,” Wonwoo shrugs, “Someone has to be the downer might as well be me.”

“Before we continue,” Jun makes a face. “Can we get homeboy here some pants?”

Seungkwan tilts his head, catching the outline of Chan through the front of Soonyoung’s sweater.  “Homeboy's bagging.”

Wonwoo scoffs. Soonyoung rolls his eyes, taking Chan’s hand and leading him upstairs. The other boys follow after. Mingyu has to carry Vernon up the stairs because he’s officially given up on life.

They're rummaging through Jihoon's clothes when Mingyu speaks up, “Are any of these clothes actually going to fit Chan?” The comment causes the boys to stop their search and share looks.

“Honestly,” Jihoon snorts, “Probably not.” He’s a bit smaller than the average boy, but it’s not been a big deal to him. He doesn’t need to be big to play basketball or soccer He’s small yeah, but no one fucks with him anyway. He’a get a wicked right hook that backs up all the shit he talks. “I should have a pair of Seungcheol's boxers in there. Soonyoung already lent the alien-”

“Traveler!”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jihoon throws a shoe at Chan, earning a yelp. “Soonyoung already gave him his sweater.”

“Wait wait.” Joshua gives him the look. The look that lets Jihoon know that if he in any way harmed Seungcheol he was getting his ass beat. “Why do you have Seungcheol's boxers?”

Jihoon bites his lip, smirking, “I don't kiss and tell.”

“Oh my god.” Seungkwan sighs. “He probably broke into his home and-”

“I didn't break into his house!” Jihoon hisses. “I won them fair and square in a round of Uno.

“The fuck kind of Uno were you playing to lose your boxers?” Minghao tosses the question at Suenghceol.

Seungcheol frowns, “He took them from my gym locker first and then we played Uno so I could get them back.”

“You were set up from the start.” Vernon sighs, staring off into the distance like he’s reliving some horrible memory. “Jihoon always cheats at Uno.”

“No printer,” Jihoon laughs, “Just fax.”

Joshua gives him a glare. “Why are you taking people's boxers?”

“You are three times his size, Cheol.” Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Eat him!”

“Oh fuck,” Jihoon gives Seungcheol a pleading look, “Please do.”

“Guys,” Minghao gasps, “What if Cheol is secretly dating Jihoon?”

Jun laughs. “Yo, imagine though.”

“I'm not.”

Soonyoung stays out their conversation, handing Chan a pair of Jihoon’s bigger pair of shorts. “We'll get you clothes later or something. I think you could fit into some of my things.”

Chan nods, slipping on the shorts. Soonyoung looks away to give him a little privacy. “I have to rebuild my ship so I think I'll end up staying a while.”

“You can stay with me.” Soonyoung flushes, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “It's better than staying with one of those losers.” He jerks a thumb to where the boys are arguing.

“Seungcheol is fucking his bully!” Seokmin screeches.

“I'm not a bully.” Jihoon frowns.

“Oh, honey," Jisoo tuts.

“I'm not! This is just how I am! It's not like I shove Seungcheol into lockers or anything.”

“Yeah, but you torment him on a regular day basis,” Soonyoung adds. “It’s basically the same thing.”

“Oh my god.” Jihoon's eyes widen, “I'm a fucking bully.”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes. “I'm not fucking Jihoon. He's not even my type.”

Jihoon laughs. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that babe. You and I both know I could get you on your knees like that,” He snaps, “easily.”

Seungcheol raises an eyebrow, smirking, “So then why aren’t I on my knees now?”

 _OOOH's_  fill the room and Jihoon flips them all off. Soonyoung laughs, hi-fiving Seungcheol.

“What does it mean to have a type?” Chan mumbles.

Jeonghan hears him and perks up. He never misses a moment to make fun of his friends. “See how Jun wears leather and has piercings?”

Chan frowns, “Piercings?”

“The jewelry on his face and ears.” Jeognhan gives Jun's lip ring a tug. Jun smacks his hand away, rolling his eyes. Jeonghan continues,  “Mingyu likes that on boys.”

Mingyu shoves him, “Jeonghan, what the fuck!”

“Isn't he into Vernon then?” Seungkwan quips, “He has a tongue piercing.” Mingyu flips him off, cheeks burning. Jun laughs, punching his arm.

“Vernon has a what?” Joshua presses.

Vernon sticks out his tongue, revealing the silver jewelry. “Got it done like a year ago.”

“How come Seungkwan knows that?” Wonwoo frowns.

Silence falls between the two boys, glances flittering between them. The tip of Seungkwan’s ears turn red and he laughs awkwardly, inching away from Vernon. Vernon coughs. “So Chan you're alien form is pretty fucking scary.”

“That's not my actual form. I was at a pitstop before I came here so I took the form of the locals.”

“Did you kiss them too?” Jihoon asks.

“Um, I don’t have to kiss people?” Chan frowns. “Usually I can blend in and acquire the language at the same time by just touching, but for some reason, it didn’t work. Maybe cause you’re,” Chan scrunches his nose, “Earthlings.” He ignores the looks he’s getting. “Besides I didn’t mind kissing Soonyoung. He’s pretty cute for an Earth boy.”

Joshua ignores the flustered Soonyoung to ask, “What do we do with him?”

“He’s staying with me,” Soonyoung says. “My parents won't care.”

“He's right.” Jun nods. “They won't.”

“Say he's a foreign exchange kid,” Seokmin says.

“From where?”

“Korea.”

“My parents are Korean.”

“Yeah but say North Korea.”

“Oh my god.” Seungcheol rolls his eyes, giving Seokmin an amused look, “Soonyoung unless they ask where he's from don't say anything.”

“Alright.”

“Try not to screw him either,” Seungcheol adds as an afterthought. Soonyoung splutters, picking up one of Jihoon’s pillows and throwing it at the older.

“Screw me?” Chan frowns, “What is that?”

“It's nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that foreign language is actually gaelic or sumthing. don't @me if it translates wrong cause i deadass have no idea what it says. there actually is a demon owl that tells people about the star atleast from what i saw on tumblr? i dunno if it's true or what he name is but i didn't just pull that out of my ass. everything else msot likely, but not that. also!! don't kiss weirdos you meet on the firrst day. soonyoung is a horrible role model


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey! a pretty half assed chapter but um it's here nontheless?/

**shua** has changed the chat name to  **Joshua and the Screwups**

**wondont:** Jisoo sweetie you're a screwup too 

**shua:** call me Jisoo one more time and you gonna see a screw up yo ass

**hannie:** yoikes

**dkk:** ten points to Gryffindor for that word play 

**leekobe:** day one of hanging out with the alien

**laterold:** he prefers to be called traveler

**leekobe:** shut the actual fuck up 

**leekobe:** like I was saying before I was so rudely INTERRUPTED

**leekobe:** day one of hanging out with the trAVeLeR and he has yet to eat us 

**laterold:** Chan says he wouldn't eat any of you 

**leekobe:** why not 

**laterold:** he said he doesn't want to catch the stupid

**shua:** das a oof

**leekobe:** you're an oof

**dkk:** would he eat Soonyoung though

**leekobe:** bitch I'm not answering that 

**hannie:** he totally would 

**july:** yo Soonyoung wya first period just started

**laterold:** I'm not coming in 

**gyu:** why

**laterold:** because fuck school that's why plus I'm gonna chill with Chan and wait for my parents so I can tell them Chan's staying with us for a bit

**laterold:** he’s probs gonna end up coming to school with us 

**mingwhy:** we should take him shopping afterwards 

**mingwhy:** and by we I mean me because y'all fashion senses are wack 

**leekobe:** your mullet wack 

**mingwhy:** just got it from you bro ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**laterold:** oof 

**hannie:** oof 

**shua:** oof 

**july:** oof

**handsoap:** oof 

**kwannie:** oof 

**leekobe:** shut the fuck up 

**cheol:** who has history rn??

**leekobe:** hi cheol! How are you today :)

**cheol:** uh good??

**leekobe:** that's nice :) do you have lunch today??

**cheol:** i just brought a granola bar 

**leekobe:** tsk tsk tsk you have to eat better! I'll buy you lunch today :))

**cheol:** alright?? Are you okay???

**leekobe:** never been better! 

**wondont:** he just tryna be nice so you don't see him as a bully

**wondont:** Jihoon just spit a spitball at the back of my head and that is absolutely disgusting

**leekobe:** choke 

**cheol:** I never saw you as a bully Jihoon 

**cheol:** and honestly if that's just you being you than that's cool with me I don't want you to be something your not 

**leekobe:** I swear honest to god I'm going to fucking marry you 

**hannie:** bitch shut up 

**cheol:** but do any of you have History rn 

**shua:** I do 

**cheol:** k

**laterold:** uh Jihoon don't you have Mr. Walsh??

**leekobe:** Mr. Walsh can suck my xjdjrnrbr 

**july:** LMFAOOOO MR. WALSH JUST FINESSED JIHOON'S PHONE IH SHIT HE COMIJF MU WAYHDHD

**wondont:** THOSE RATS JUST TOLD HIM I HAD PHONE ON MEHRHDHDB

  
  


**[** 11:15  **]**

 

**leekobe:** Mr. Walsh needs to get laid 

**wondont:** facts 

**kwannie:** he just dress coded me? which is odd cause I just wear the cheerleading outfit?? Like is he okay? the outfit is literally given to us by the school

**handsoap:** those skirts are pretty short

**kwannie:** where did I ask? you actual shitstain??

**handsoap:** y'all stay bullying me

**handsoap:** and honestly? i’m getting real sick of tired of it

**dkk:** OH SHIIITTTT HE BOUT TO DO IT 

**dkk:** HANSOL BOUT TO POP THE FUCK OFF 

**dkk:** SOMEONE HOLD MY WIG

**laterold:** HELLO HUMANS :)

**dkk:** nvm

**cheol:** ????

**laterold:** IT IS ME CHAN!!

**wondont:** and that's my cue to bounce 

**wondont:** I'll be in the lunch line 

**kwannie:** yo grab me a Dr. Pepper

**wondont:** k

**shua:** I want a cookie 

**wondont:** choke 

**laterold:** SOONYOUNG WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU GOT YOUR PHONES BACK

**leekobe:** I hopped stepped jumped my ass into Mr. Walsh's desk and took them. Bitch got me all the way fucked up if he think I'm going an entire day without my phone. This ain't the jungle 

**july:** speaking of jungle look who just put Josh in the trash can

**handsoap:** oh my god 

**gyu:** I'm gonna put a stop to this brb

**dkk:** Chan babe you can turn of the caps it should be an arrow to the side just click it 

**laterold:** thank you! It was getting very annoying to read 

**dkk:** no problem glad to help :)

**laterold:** :)

**mingwhy:** when Seokmin calls the alien babe 

**leekobe:** smh that's Soonyoung's man

**hannie:** they just met??

**cheol:** didn't stop Soonyoung from popping a boner after their make out session 

**laterold:** Soonyoung said you can choke. I'm not sure on what though

**kwannie:** I bet Soonyoung wants you to choke too 

**kwannie:** on his dick

**wondont:** are you guys seeing this or??

**cheol:** ???

**wondont:** so Mingyu walks up to Luke right (which makes no sense cuz Mingyu a lil puppy what he gonna do) and tells Luke to “quit being mean to my friend. It's making me upset.” he even did this little frowny thing 

**kwannie:** oh my god Luke killed him didn't he 

**wondont:** LMFAOO no 

**wondont:** so Luke scoffs and asks Mingyu, “what are you gonna do about it?” And shoves him and Mingyu, being the clumsy oaf he is trips and before he even hits the ground Jun in all his leather jacket glory grabs him all prince like and shit

**dkk:** okay Jun get your clout

**wondont:** and he tells Luke “if you ever put your hands on any of my friends again you'll lose it”

**cheol:** aw 

**wondont:** Luke rolls his eyes and leaves. Josh is still in the trash can

**shua:** with Jeonghan's family :)

**hannie:** you stay attacking me 

**laterold:** who is this Luke fellow??

**leekobe:** local asshole 

**laterold:** I'm confused wasn't that you??

**handsoap:** LMFAOOOOOOO 

**wondont:** take your L Jihoon 

**wondont:** and fuck yourself with it

**leekobe:** one day imma pop off in the group chat 

**leekobe:** one day

**laterold:** would you like me to get rid of Luke for you?

**shua:** you'd do that for me??

**laterold:** of course! A friend of Soonyoung's is a friend of mine

**cheol:** woah woah woah we are not getting rid of anyone

**shua** : oh yes the fuck we are 

**cheol:** violence only breeds more violence

**shua:** yeah and stupid only breeds more stupid 

**leekobe:** that's why I'm alive today 

**cheol:** you're not stupid Jihoon 

**leekobe:** meh 

**hannie:** oh no no we are not having this squishy feelsy moment fuck no

**cheol:** k

**cheol:** Chan you're not getting rid of anyone

**laterold:** :)

**cheol:** I'm serious 

**laterold:** :)

**july:** where's Soonyoung??

**laterold:** he's talking to his caretakers about my stay here

**dkk:** do you have caretakers Chan?

**laterold:** of course and I have a little um

**laterold:** I think the word is brother?? 

**gyu:** Jun I'm in love with you 

**july:** k

**gyu:** k

**handsoap:** ????

**mingwhy:** they're always like that 

**kwannie:** hey a very important question 

**kwannie:** Chan do you have pronouns?? cuz we don't wanna misgender you or something

**laterold:** ??? I don't quite understand

**kwannie:** like what do you like to be called 

**laterold:** Chan

**kwannie:** like he/she??

**laterold:** ohhhhh um I don't know?? The earth concept of gender is just so odd. We go by names and social status

**shua:** social status?

**laterold:** yes I'm a prince so people will call me prince, your highness, etc

**handsoap:** YOU'RE A W H A T 

**laterold:** the pronoun he is fine with me :) I don't really care 

**kwannie:** k 

**dkk:** the bell for class just rang so we'll see you after school at the mall

**laterold:** okay have a good rest of the day, babe!

**wondont:** get your clout Seokmin get your clout

**handsoap:** CHAN IS A WHAT

  
  


**[** 3:00  **]**

There's only one mall in Soonyoung's shitty town. It makes no sense seeing as he lives in a pretty big town on the outskirts of some major city, but it is what it is. The blonde standing outside the huge building, sparing a glance at Chan who's scrolling through his cellphone. Chan's dressed in another one of Soonyoung's hoodies, and a pair of shorts. Soonyoung's parents were more than happy to take Chan in. They didn't ask a lot of questions about him mainly because they didn't care and were in a hurry to get to work.Soonyoung told them he was an exchange kid. They kissed both their foreheads and left. Chan didn't really get the whole forehead kissing, but he had this dorky grin on his face the entire time.

“Hey.” Jun grins, elbowing Soonyoung. He leans over and ruffles Chan's hair. “Were you waiting long?” Jun has that standard leather jacket of his on and Soonyoung doesn’t think Jun wears any other type of jacket. 

“Yeah, we were.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes, watching Chan pout and fix his messy hair. He spares the newcomers a glance, “Ready?”

The boys nod and enter the shopping mall. Chan doesn't seem impressed by the array of stores. He glances up from Soonyoung's phone, shrugs, and goes back to playing his game. Malls aren't anything new to him. There's a cluster of malls lining the Big Dipper. Chan's not allowed there anymore and he swears it’s not his fault he got kicked out.

It's a weekday so not that many people are here, but Joshua thinks it's still pretty crowded. He shoves his hands into his pockets out and lets out a sigh. “So where are we going?”

“I'm heading over to one of the pretzel stands,” Seungcheol says, perking up at the thought of the salty goodness. “Toodles.” He waves goodbye to the group of boys, scurrying off before they can stop him.

Mingyu frowns, eyebrow raised. “Who says toodles anymore?”

Seokmin snorts. “That’s like sooo tenth century.” The two boys laugh quietly to themselves, are ignoring the looks the other boys give them. Chan joins in on the laughter, out of confusion.

“I think I'll get some new jewelry,” Jun says.

“How about a new jacket?” Seungkwan’s comment is ignored by Jun. The older spares Hansol a glance.  “You coming?”

Vernon nods, eyes lighting up, “Yeah.” He follows after Jun, a slight pep in his step.  

Mingyu stops his laughter with Chan and Seokmin, stumbling after the two, “Hey, wait for me.”

“Whipped.” Wonwoo whistles.

Jihoon gives him an unimpressed look. The rest of the boys wander around for a bit. Jeonghan says something about his feet hurting. Joshua tells him to shut the fuck up, prompting an argument between the two. Jihoon wedges himself in their argument mainly because he can and he’s bored out of his mind walking around.

Minghao lets out a squeal at the sight of the store he was looking for. He shoves Chan in the nearest Forever 21, beaming. “By the time I'm done with you, you'll be a new person.”

Chan frowns. “But I can just change my form.” Jeonghan pauses mid-argument to give Chan a look. (This only makes his argument with Josh worse because the younger scoffs, claiming Jeonghan never listens to him.)

Seungkwan scoffs. “Minghao, you can't even dress,” He crosses his arms, eyeing Minghao up and down before he adds: “You wack ass Tumblr bitch.”

Seokmin mouths yikes just as Minghao lets out an offended gasp. Minghao gives Seungkwan a glare. “Take it back.”

Seungkwan gives him a bored look. “Make me.”

Soonyoung rolls his eyes, swiping his phone from Chan's hands. The traveler whines in protest, but Soonyoung ignores him. “You guys can take turns picking his outfit. Whatever ones he likes better we'll just buy.”

“Wow. Soonyoung being smart.” Joshua snorts. “What a shocker.” Soonyoung shoves him into a rack of bras.

Minghao and Seungkwan spend the next half hour zooming around the store. Wonwoo has been chosen to hold all the clothes and he isn’t really happy about it, but Seungkwan flashed him a smile and promised to make it up to him. Only an idiot would say no to that and Wonwoo, despite whatever the likes of Joshua said, was not an idiot.

Minghao dresses Chan first. Chan says he doesn’t like any of the clothes. Even the sweater, jogger combo that matched a pair of joggers Soonyoung owns.

“You didn't like any of the outfits I picked for you.” Minghao frowns, eyeing the clothes scattered around. “Why?”

Chan shrugs,  “I like Soonyoung's stuff better.”

Soonyoung perks up, cheek growing red. 

“Why?! He dresses horribly.”

Chan frowns. “They just smell like him.”

Wonwoo makes a face. Jihoon does the same. “Bitch, what?”

Jeonghan grabs the clothes and rubs them on Soonyoung. “We did not spend two hours in this white ass mall-”

“Here he goes with that white people shit.” Joshua rolls his eyes.

“-For him to not pick something to wear!”

Soonyoung shoves Jeonghan. “Cut it out!” He huffs, shrugging. “He can just wear my stuff.” He says it like it's no big deal, but Chan's staring at him with a small grin and wide eyes. Almost like Soonyoung promised him something more than just clothes.

“Fuck no.” Minghao hisses. “His body is too nice to wear baggy clothes. Look at the curvature of that ass! If Seungkwan is XL he's XXL!”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “Can I dress him now or what?”

Minghao grumbles and sets the clothes he bought on Wonwoo. Seokmin pats his back lightly. 

Seungkwan shoves Chan back into the locker room, tossing an outfit in.

Chan spins in the skirt. “It's nice but I dunno.”

“You know if he likes Soonyoung's clothes so much we could probably just cut them up and style them on him,” Wonwoo says, sparing a glance at the clock on his phone. They've been at the mall for two hours. God knows where Seungcheol is and what Jun, Hansol, and Mingyu are up to.

“Wonwoo,” Seokmin frowns, eyebrows furrowing. “This is not Bratz and you are not Chloe.”

“I'd be a much better Chloe,” Seungkwan says, shoving another outfit into Chan's changing room.

“Um no, I'm Chloe,” Minghao says.

“Uh no, you're Jade.” Joshua corrects.

“No one was fucking with Jade.”

“That's exactly why you're Jade.” Jihoon nods, backing up Josh. “Because no one fucking with you.”

A round of  _ oohs _ leave Chan and Soonyoung stifles his laughter. Minghao sighs, slumping in defeat. He finally understands how Hansol feels.

Chan steps out the dressing room. “What do you think?” He's dressed in a black crop top, a pair of black jeans, and an oversized white jacket. His question is directed mainly at Soonyoung who's shamelessly checking the alien out.

Minghao's eyes light up. “You used the jacket I picked?”

“Of course!” Seungkwan nods. “The jacket was too cute to pass up.”

Jeonghan elbows Soonyoung, knocking him out whatever trance he's in. Chan has a slight frown on his face, playing around with his fingers.

Soonyoung’s nod catches his attention. “It looks good on you.”

Chan perks up, “Really?”

“Really.”

Chan looks at himself in the mirror, nodding. “I'll take this one then.”

“Oh honey,” Wonwoo snorts. “You're going to school soon. You don't get just  _ one _ outfit.”

They end up buying all the outfits Minghao and Seungkwan picked out. Jihoon swiped this fancy black card that had all the boys staring at him in awe.

Seungcheol is at the pretzel stand, sitting at a table, munching on a cupful of salty goodness. He tried the sweet kind but didn't like it as much. Nothing really beats the original.

Joshua raises an eyebrow. “How many of those have you had?”

“I don't even know.” Seungcheol laughs, stuffing another pretzel in his mouth. “I fucking love these things.”

“When we're married,” Jihoon grins, “I'll buy all the pretzels you want.” Seungcheol splutters, choking on one of his pretzels. Jihoon isn't the slightest bit embarrassed by his comment.

“You could do that right now,” Wonwoo says.

Jihoon pretends not to hear him, sliding in the chair across from Seungcheol and staring at him lovingly. Seungcheol eats his pretzels slower than before.

Seokmin has an arm thrown around Chan, laughing quietly. “Jihoon. You absolute madman.”

Chan perks up. “Your laugh is very nice. Almost like music.”

Seokmin flushes, laughing some more. “Uh, thanks?”

“You're very welcome, babe.”

Soonyoung frowns, “What?”

Chan mimics his frown. “Is that not okay to say?”

“Just say it around me,” Seokmin says. “And you'll be good.”

Chan makes a mental note of that and then makes another mental not to write it down in case he forgets.

“Get your clout, Seokmin,” Wonwoo says. “Get your clout.”

Joshua frowns. “What does that even mean?”

“Where are Jun, Vernon, and Mingyu?” Jeonghan glances around for any sign of the trio. He spots Vernon making his way toward them, a frown on his face.

Vernon stomps past the group, grumbling to himself.

“Vernon, wait!” Jun and Mingyu are a step behind him. Mingyu reaches out for his hand.

“Don't touch me.” Vernon hisses, drawing his hand away from Mingyu’s. “Fuck you and fuck you too.” Vernon's out of the mall before anyone can stop him.

Seungkwan gives the two boys a once-over, sighing. “What did you do this time?”

“Um excuse me,” Chan frowns. “What is school?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually ship seokchan lmao but they're just gonna be good buds


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey!

Boo Seungkwan actually hates the shitty high school he attends. He thinks all the kids are stupid and most likely going straight to hell. Jihoon and his pint-sized ass especially. The little shit doesn’t know when to just quit it and now poor Seungcheol has become the center of his fucked up affection. His crush makes no sense because didn’t Minghao say something about Cheol having a boyfriend. Not that Jihoon cares. Obviously.

Seungkwan’s known as the nicest kid in school. A surprise seeing how he treats the group he sadly calls his friends. His reputation was built Freshmen year from sucking dick and being nice to all the kids in the chess club. (He won Prom king  _ and  _ queen because of it.)

Seungkwan’s in school earlier than most because for some reason the cheer captain likes to have these little meetings that no one actually cares about. Herself included. Seungkwan sits on the floor of the gym, applying his mascara in the reflection of his phone. Some of the other cheer squad is here, talking and joking amongst each other. Seungkwan doesn’t make a move to talk them because they can choke along with the rest of the fucking school.

The only thing Pledis High (wack ass name for a wack ass school) has going for itself is the diversity of the cheer team. Half of them are boys, trans, etc. The kids in the school have always been pretty accepting of people. Unless you’re the boy's sports team. Seungkwan has never understood why the boys felt the need to target kids based on whose dick they sucked. Jihoon is their captain and has always said he preferred boys over girls. Everyone thought it was just till during one of the school’s rallies Jihoon grabbed one of the male cheerleaders and started making out with him in front of the entire school body instead of giving a speech on proper school conduct. (Why they picked Jihoon to make the speech will forever be the biggest mystery.) The entire room had erupted into chaos and Jihoon had detention for the whole week. Since then, half the school had come out. Seungkwan hated to admit it, but Jihoon had done something legendary. Half the school had come out after that.

“Megan just quit the team.” Stacey walks into the gym thirty minutes from after she called their cheer meet. She’s cheer captain only because she’s a senior. Not because anyone actually likes her. Seungkwan frowns. Since when did they have a Megan on the team?

“Why’d she quit though?” Someone asks.

“Fuck if I know.” Stacey scoffs, running a hand through her short blue locks. “Listen, I’m giving you until the end of the day to get someone to replace them.” Seungkwan can’t help but notice the comment is directed at him and him alone. He also can’t help but notice the pitiful stares he’s getting. “Or else you’re off the team.”

Seungkwan resists the urge to roll his eyes. Stacey has been out to get him since he blew her boyfriend behind the football field. It wasn’t even really his fault. No one bothered to let Seungkwan know that even when Stacey wasn’t with her boo thing, they were still together. That logic was severely fucked up. Seungkwan was honestly doing Stacey a favor anyway. Her boyfriend was only packing an inch.

“Of course!” He bats his lashes, flashing her a fake smile. “Anything for you.”

Stacey rolls her eyes. “Dismissed.”

  
  
  


Seungkwan slams his lunch down on the table, hissing, “That stupid bitch.”

None of the boys say anything, immersed in their own conversations. Jihoon has a basketball meeting right about now which means the team will spend two class periods at Wendy’s messing with the workers and drinking all the soda.

Seungcheol lets out a sigh when no one speaks up. “Who?” He already has a feeling who Seungkwan’s talking about. He never sits with them unless he has to complain about-

“Stacey fucking White!” And there it is. Jeonghan instantly perks up. He’s always been a sucker for the half-ass beef Seungkwan and Stacey have. It’s the only ounce of drama going on right next to Yugyeom’s pregnancy scandal which makes no sense because biologically she can’t get pregnant.

“She thinks she’s all that just because she has a nice set of tits.” Seungkwan grabs a handful of Vernon’s pizza rolls. “Well jokes on her. Her ass is still flat and her dye job makes her look like a hoe.”

Joshua rolls his eyes. “You’re a hoe.”

Seungkwan makes a face like he’s just been offended. “A classy hoe. Get it right or get the fuck out.”

Joshua rolls his eyes again.

“But what did she do?” Jeonghan presses, plopping a grape in his mouth.

“Megan quit the team so now I have to find someone to replace them.” Seungkwan huffs, grabbing another pizza roll. “Have you seen our school? Half these fuckers don't know I before E except after C! How the hell are they going to cheer?”

Vernon wants to know what basic grammar rules have to do with cheering. He also wants to know why Seungkwan keeps on taking his pizza rolls when he has his own lunch.

 

“Hello, my friends!” Chan grins, sitting next to Joshua. “I made these for you,” He hands the group colorful bracelets. “They’re from the art class.” Chan’s first day of school hadn’t been as rocky as they all thought it’d be. Half the cheerleading team thinks he's the cutest thing and Seungkwan would agree if it weren't for the fact Chan was some alien that would probably kill them once Soonyoung wasn't around. Seungkwan hopes he kills Jihoon first.

Soonyoung raises an eyebrow, “You made bracelets in art?”

“No, we were supposed to paint,” Mingyu rolls his eyes and takes a seat next to Jun, “but he and Seokmin started fucking around with the paints so Mr. Kim told them to make bracelets.”

Chan beams, holding up the only colorful bracelet that doesn’t look like actual shit. “This one's for Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung smiles and takes the bracelets. “It’s pretty. Thanks.”

Chan seems to be glowing after that. Seokmin blinks when he realizes that Chan is  _ actually _ glowing. He looks around, “Guys-”

“Uh hello!” Seungkwan hisses. “My dilemma?”

“Dude,”  Wonwoo states. “It's not like one of us can join your cheer squad.”

Chan frowns, mouthing  _ cheer squad _ to himself. Seokmin fans at him, trying to get rid of the glowing. It does go away much to his relief.

Seungkwan pouts, “Why not?”

“Because all the people on the team are all bitches,” Minghao says. “You're a clear example of that.”

Seungkwan scoffs and throws a piece of corn at him. Minghao catches it in his mouth and flashes Seungkwan a grin.

“Why not have Chan join?” Soonyoung comments, playing around with the bracelet on his wrist.

Chan’s licking into his pudding cup when he hears his name. He looks up, tongue out of his mouth. “Me?” Wonwoo hands him a spoon. Chan stares at the spoon and then proceeds in taking a bite out of it.

Seungcheol snorts. “Jesus, Chan. You’re supposed to eat the pudding with the spoon.”

Chan nods slowly, stuffing the rest of the spoon in his mouth along with his pudding. Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head.

Seungkwan motions to Chan with a scowl. “Him?”

Soonyoung nods. “Yeah. He’s gonna be on Earth for a bit so he might as well try some new things plus can you really be picky right now?” Seungkwan slumps in his seat, grumbling.

Minghao grins, “Yeah. Jun and I can teach him some moves.”

Joshua makes a face. “You can?”

Jun nods. “We can.”

“Or you could put up posters that say tryouts?” Seokmin offers.

Seungkwan ignores him, “Fine, but he has to be good by the end of the day.”

Minghao nods. “You can count on us!” Seungkwan doesn’t really think he can, but beggars can’t be choosers. 

  
  


The end of the day rolls by and Seungkwan can feel his nerves eating away at his insides The Chinese duo skipped their math class and study hall to help Chan practice. From what Seungkwan saw on the snaps Minghao sent him, Jun actually knew how to dance. Minghao refused to send him anything of Chan, though. Seungkwan bets it’s because he can’t dance. Seungkwan hopes he’s wrong. If Minghao and Jun let him down he swears to God he’ll make their high school years an absolute hell. Soonyoung included because this was all his fucking idea.

“Hey.” Soonyoung greets him with a slight wave and smile. The others are seated on the bleachers. Jeonghan brought popcorn and has his phone, most likely to film what’s going to be an absolute shit show.

“Listen.” Seungkwan gives him a glare. “If your boyfriend fucks this up I'm gonna fuck you up.”

“It's literally not even that deep.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes, cheeks heating up when he adds:  “and he's not my boyfriend.”

Seungkwan scoffs, looking over to where Chan is. He’s standing in the middle of the gym with the biggest smile on his face.

“You're the transfer kid, right?” Stacey eyes Chan up and down, nodding slightly.  No doubt she’s going to join the population of the school that thinks Chan’s cute. Seungkwan hopes that works in his favor. “We look forward to watching you.”

Stacey tosses Seungkwan translates the look she gives him as can't wait to kick you off the team. The music kicks off and Seungkwan crosses his fingers.

 

Jihoon’s been waiting outside the gym for the cheerleaders to finish their practice. He’s getting pretty annoyed since it’s been like thirty minutes. There’s music thumping from the gym and from what Joshua told him, they’re apparently having tryouts.

“It's just cheerleading.” Someone says. “It's not even that hard.”

Jihoon lets out a deep sigh and rolls his eyes. “Can you do a backflip, Michael?”

“Well no-”

“Then shut the fuck up.” Jihoon shoves the door open. “Yo-” He stops short, eyes landing on Chan. The alien is doing what Jihoon bets is dirty dancing. His theory is confirmed when he starts grinding against the floor. Jihoon raises an eyebrow and looks over to the bleachers where his friends are cheering except for Seungkwan who's about ready to cry. Jihoon shrugs and joins in on the cheering. “Fuck it up, Chan!” and the basketball boys join in too.

When the music stops, Chan's out of breath and his legs ache. He doesn’t think he’s done this much dancing in his entire life. He’s seriously out of shape. He meets Soonyoung’s eyes and the teen has red cheeks, but he still cheers the loudest for Chan.

“Well that was- Could you shut up?!” Stacey screams over the cheering. The cheering dies down and someone calls her a bitch. (When asked, Wonwoo denied it was him.) “Like I was saying. That was  _ dirty. _ ”

Seungkwan lets out a sigh, making a move to remove his cheering uniform. Seungcheol tries to stop him but is ignored. Seungkwan can kiss his cheering career goodbye. “Welcome to the team.” Wait, what?

Stacey shakes hands with Chan. “We'll get you a uniform tomorrow.” She wipes the sweat from her hand on one of the other cheerleaders.

“Thank you.” Chan grins.

“Good job, Seungkwan,” Stacey says when they’re face to face. “I guess I'm not kicking you off the team after all.” She snaps and turns, the cheer team follows after her. Joshua makes a face.

Seungkwan plops a sloppy kiss on Minghao and Jun’s lips. Minghao starts gagging. “You two are lifesavers!”

Jun licks his lip, leaning closer to Seungkwan. “I think I want a little more than a kiss.”

Seungkwan smirks. “Really?”

Vernon scoffs. “You can't be deadass right now.”

Mingyu sinks in his seat wondering why he decided to sit in between the two. Jun tosses Vernon a look. “If you’re upset then do something instead of being a bitch all the time.”

Vernon stands up and Mingyu really hopes the two don’t start fighting. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop them. Vernon doesn’t hit him surprisingly. He grabs Jun by his leather jacket and smashes their lips together. Jeonghan chokes on his popcorn.

Soonyoung throws an arm over Chan’s shoulder. “You were great.”

“Thanks.” Chan’s glowing again and Soonyoung notices it this time. He presses a hand to Chan’s cheek, warmth radiating from his skin.

“Get out, already!” Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Except you, Cheol. You can stay.”

Seungcheol snorts, hopping down from the bleachers. He gives Jihoon a wink. “Maybe some other time, babe.”

Jihoon swoons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes this ending


	6. Chapter 6

Chan skips through the school halls, a giant grin on his face, searching for Soonyoung. The two of them had to get to school pretty early because Chan had a cheer meet. The cheer meet was mainly him meeting the others on the team and getting his uniform. He didn’t remember all his teammates name, but Seungkwan said it was fine. He didn’t either. The uniform wasn’t too bad: a white pleated skirt with blue accents and a matching top. They had to wear white sneakers to match the outfit. Chan didn’t get why they had to wear their cheer outfits during school, but Stacey had said it was absolutely necessary. It was whatever to Chan. He really liked the skirt.

Chan finds Soonyoung in front of his locker, playing a game on his phone. “Hi.” Chan beams, folding his hands behind his back and offering Soonyoung a smile. 

Soonyoung doesn't look up from his phone when he replies, “Hey, cheer meet done?”

“Yup.” Chan hums, fiddling with the hem of his top. “I also got my uniform.”

Soonyoung’s eyes light up at the thought of Chan in a skirt. Seungkwan looked pretty good so what about him? He looks up his from his phone just in time to see Chan spin. His cheeks flush when he gets a glimpse of something lacey under the white skirt. “Are you wearing panties?” He blurts, immediately regretting the question when some kid down the hall gives him a look. Soonyoung didn’t think he was that loud.

Chan nods. “Seungkwan said they'd be easier to wear with the skirt than your boxers.” Soonyoung almost forgot he gave Chan some of his underwear. He didn’t get why Minghao and Seungkwan didn’t pick some up for the alien when they went shopping.  Chan lifts his skirt. “See?”

A second goes by before Soonyoung gets that Chan’s basically flashing him in the school’s hallways. His hand reaches up to tug down the skirt. He lets out a low hiss, “Chan, you can't just lift your skirt like that!”

Chan forms his lips into a pout, stomping his feet quietly. “But I wanted to show you.”

The teen blinks.  _ Did he just throw a tantrum? " _ “Just-,” Soonyoung sighs, running a hand through his hair, “Just show me later okay?

Chan instantly perks up, his stomping quickly coming to a halt. “Okay,  I'll see you at history.” He presses a kiss to Soonyoung's cheek before he walks off.

Soonyoung stares after Chan with a dorky grin until he realizes they have the same class and he speeds after Chan so they can walk together. 

  
  


Mr. Min’s History class is the best class in the entire school. Every student can attest to that except for the ones that actually like to do work in class. The reason why it’s a pretty cool class is that the students rarely get homework and the tests are pretty easy. One time, the kids had to color in a picture. (Mr. Min is pretty lazy. No one knows how he hasn't gotten fired yet.)

“Listen up, you little shits.” The bored, drained, and slightly annoyed voice of Mr. min shuts up the talking kids. “Next week, we're going to Paris for a history trip so I expect you to be here on time on Monday and to be on your best behavior.” He heaves a sigh, glaring heavily at where the source of all his stress in life sits. “I'm looking at you, Jihoon.”

Jihoon cups his hands around his mouth, reporting a bit too loudly, “Eat my ass, Yoongi!” The comment earns laughter and hi-fives from the varying jocks Jihoon sits around. Josh rolls his eyes consecutively at the sheer stupidity of Jihoon and his egghead friends.

“You little-” Mr. Min stops short, scrubbing his face in what the students guess to be annoyance.  “You know what? Pop test. You can all thank Jihoon for that.”

Glares are thrown Jihoon’s way especially from the kids that want nothing to do with the over the top Jock. Mainly Jisoo. “You really have yourselves to blame,” Jihoon says, shrugging at the glares. “ Y'all shouldn’t have laughed.” Seungkwan reaches over to smack him.

“Can you like legally do that?” Jeonghan asks.

Mr. Min doesn't answer him, handing tests out to the class. Jeonghan rolls his eyes, also reaching over to hit Jihoon.

“Wait,” Seungcheol speaks up, “This is American History. We're taking World history.”

Mr. Min gives him a blank look. “Are you talking during a test, Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol huffs but says nothing else.

Chan hasn’t the slightest idea as to what all the words on his test mean. He’s never heard of a Marco Polo or a Christopher Columbus. He doesn’t think they’re all that important if he’s never heard of them. He takes out some pens from his pencil case-courtesy of Seungcheol-and doodles all over the test. He places a smiley face where his name should be before he hands his test to Mr. Min. Jun also gives the teacher his test.

“Jun,” Mr. Min blinks. “What the hell is this?”

“My test,” Jun replies, picking at his nails with mild interest.

“There's nothing on here.”

“Wow." Jun rolls his eyes. "Kind of like my will to live.”

Mr. Min makes a face, “That doesn't make any sense.”

“Neither does the fucking test you just made me take.”

“It's actually not that hard,” Seungcheol says.

“Hold up.” Jun turns to face with Seungcheol with a stank look. “Who was talking to you?” Seungcheol puts his hands up in surrender.

“Chan,” Mr. Min says slowly as if Chan isn't going to understand a word he’s about to say. “ I get you're new, but what the fuck is this?”

“Is there too much green?” Chan asks. “I ran out of the pink one halfway through.”

Jun peeks at the test, taking in the neon shades. “Some blue would be nice.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” Chan says.

Mr. Min sighs. “Go sit down.” 

  
  
  


“Your parents aren't home again,” Chan says. Soonyoung drives them to and from school and the car ride is full of Chan screaming along to whatever song is playing on the radio even if he didn’t know the lyrics.

Soonyoung nods. “Yeah, they work till late. I can make us some dinner or order a pizza if you want.”

I like pizza!” Chan beams. “ I had it for lunch earlier.”

“Okay.” Soonyoung smiles. “Pizza it is.”

Chan hops onto the countertop, swinging his legs back and forth. Soonyoung is honestly surprised he hasn’t brought up the panty thing. He spares a glance at Chan. The alien is more interested in the toaster. He turns it on and off, giggling each time it makes a sound. 

 

 

**JERKOFF AND JERKON**

**leekobe:** party at my place 

**leekobe:** be there or be square

**shua:** guess I'm a fucking square then

**leekobe:** lmfaooo I was only inviting cheol 

**cheol:** I'll see if I can make it 

**leekobe:** o h

**july:** Jihoon we're going to the party whether your ass like it or not 

**wondont:** facts 

**laterold:** can I bring chan

**leekobe:** no you cannot bring your freaky traveler boyfriend

**laterold:** he's not my boyfriend 

**mingwhy:** bring him 

  
  


“Chan,” Soonyoung grins. “Wanna go to a party?”

Chan tilts his head, “Whats that?”

  
  


Lee Jihoon's house is thumping with music and Soonyoung pulls up in the driveway just in time to catch a girl puke all over her friend. Chan makes a face at the scene but Soonyoung laughs. The two exit the car and make their way into Jihoon's house. There's toilet paper on one of the lamps and a group of kids taking body shots. Chan stays close to Soonyoung the entire time, gripping his shirt.

“Soonyoung?” Chan frowns at the boy that approaches them. His hair is white and he offers a smile revealing dimples.

Soonyoung grins, pulling himself free of Chan's grip and hugging the newcomer. Chan frowns, fiddling with the sleeves of his top.

“Chan, this is Jooheon.” Soonyoung beams. “Jooheon, this is Chan.”

Jooheon grins pulling Chan into a hug and Chan hates to admit how nice it feels. “Nice to meet you, Chan.” Jooheon ruffles his hair.

Chan huffs, mumbling, “Likewise.”

Jooheon and Soonyoung fall into easy conversation and Chan awkwardly stands next to Soonyoung, failing to get his attention. Jooheon is his supposed best friend and they're so touchy and feely with each other that makes Chan a little mad. Chan decides that he just doesn't like Jooheon especially since Soonyoung pays more attention to him and it's beginning to piss Chan off. The alien scoffs when Soonyoung laughs at something the other boy says. He storms off, grumbling. Soonyoung gives him a quick glance but doesn't go after him.

Chan stomps into the kitchen and bumps into Wonwoo and Jihoon. Jihoon gives him a look over, nodding at his choice of outfit: Black skirt, a white button up, and a pair of converse.

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at Chan, “What's with you?”

Chan huffs, climbing onto the countertop. “Soonyoung keeps on talking to Jooheon instead of me. Jooheon isn't even that great.” His shoulders slump. “I'm funny too.”

Jihoon snorts. “You're really not.”

Wonwoo elbows the older, earning a yelp in return. “Relax, Chan. You're still Soonyoung's favorite traveler.”

Chan perks up, “Really?”

Wonwoo smiles, “Really.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “That's cause you're the only traveler he knows.” Wonwoo elbows him again, tossing him a  _ really _ look. Jihoon rubs his side, tossing a glare at Wonwoo.

Wonwoo offers Chan a solo cup. “Want something to drink?”

Chan sniffs the cup. “What is it?”

“Alcohol.”

Chan hesitates before he takes the cup. Jihoon cheers him up and he chugs down the contents. His stomach tingles a little, but it doesn't really bother him. “Tastes weird," He mumbles. “Can I have another?”

Jihoon grins, pouring more into his cup.

Soonyoung has lost Chan. He's sure he should have gone after him when he walked off earlier but he couldn't help getting caught up with Jooheon. He waves Jooheon goodbye before he goes off to find Chan.

His phone pings in his pocket and he takes it, swiping to his messages. 

 

**seokkie:** dude you gotta come get Chan 

**soonie:** why? What happened?

**seokkie:** so Wonwoo and Jihoon got him like wasted 

**seokkie:** then he started talking bout how hot he was getting 

**seokkie:** and now 

**seokkie:** he's literally fucking himself on my thigh 

**seokkie:** I'm lucky the kids around me are wasted or the rumors would be wild 

**soonie:** dude why?

**soonie:** is he okay??

**seokkie:** uhhhhhh

**seokkie:** I dunno 

**seokkie:** we're on the couch btw

  
  


When Soonyoung finds Seokmin and Chan, the alien has his head buried in the crook of Seokmin's neck, soft whimpers leaving his mouth. He's not grinding against Seokmin anymore which fills Soonyoung up with strange relief. “Channie?” He kneels next to him, rubbing small circles on his back.  “Are you okay?”

Chan turns his head, eyes blurry with tears. “It hurts.”

Soonyoung frowns, slowly tugging Chan off Seokmin.  “I’m going to take you home okay.”

Chan stumbles into Soonyoung, choking back a sob. “It hurts.”

“I know.” Soonyoung mumbles, pressing Chan closer. “You'll be okay.”

He spares Seokmin a glance, mouthing thanks. Seokmin nods, walking off to probably find Minghao and probably tell the rest of the boys not to give Chan alcohol again. Soonyoung can’t wait to see this the group chat.

Soonyoung leads Chan out of the crowded house, open up the passenger door so he can get in. 

Chan's barely in the car when he starts taking off his clothes,

Soonyoung flashes especially when Chan’s pants slip past the waistband of his underwear. “Chan, can't you wait?” He climbs into the driver seat, sparing a glance at Chan.

“No,” Chan answers, eyes fluttering shut. “It hurts.”

Soonyoung bites his lip, hand gripping the wheel, but he doesn’t make any other comment as he drives. He doesn’t leave that far from Jihoon, but he seems to be hitting more red lights on the way home then he did before. Chan makes a noise-something between a moan and a sob and Soonyoung feels bad that something like this is happening to him. He didn’t think alcohol could do this Chan. 

“Soonyoung?” Chan’s hand find his. “Can you touch me?”

Soonyoung tenses, sparing a glance at Chan. “I shouldn’t.” Chan doesn’t listen, leading Soonyoung’s hand under his skirt.

“Don’t worry,” Chan mumbles. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Soonyoung thinks he should know better than to touch an alien prince, but Chan's looking at him with an open mouth and half-lidded eyes. He turns his eyes back to the road and lets Chan do whatever.

Soonyoung's finger is pressed into something wet and tight. It takes him a while to register that it's Chan he's pressed into to. He drives his finger deeper, curling around his insides. Chan's body jerks, desperately trying to get Soonyong deeper. Soonyoung presses in another finger and another until he’s three fingers deep. Chan grinds against his fingers, a moan escaping his mouth. “Please,” Soonyoung speeds up in his thrusting, relishing in the lewd noises leaving Chan. “O-oh!” Chan cums all over his finger, a sticky hot fluid coating Soonyoung’s fingers. He draws the finger out, pressing it against Chan's lips. Chan parts his lip, fingers pressed into his mouth,  tongue darting out to lick them clean.

Soonyoung holds onto Chan’s hand, “You okay?”

Chan nods, wiping sweat on his forehead.

The rest of the ride is in silence and Soonyoung has to pretend not to notice Chan quietly fingering himself.

When they get home, Chan stops Soonyoung at the door, gripping Soonyoung's shirt. “Um thank you.”

Soonyoung nods, cupping Chan’s cheek.  “Of course.”

Chan looks up like he expects something more, but he steps back at the last second, opening the front door and scurrying in and up the stairs. Soonyoung sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He shuts the door behind him, setting the keys on the counter. It’s midnight and his parents still aren’t home, not that he minds. They come home late anyway.

Chan and Soonyoung share a bed because Chan didn’t want to sleep on the couch. Soonyoung didn’t mind it. He liked the extra warmth. When they get ready for bed, Soonyoung can't really sleep not when Chan's whimpering his name, two fingers pressed into his hole.

Soonyoung can't sleep, so when he’s sure Chan’s asleep he runs to the bathroom to relieve the tension in his pants. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal if he thinks about Chan in the process. 


End file.
